It's the thought that counts!

 

Holiday gift giving can be a sore spot in the season of joy. In my life time I have carefully chosen gifts for my favorite people only to be surprised by their reaction. Rare is the human being who is not hurt when a gift goes unappreciated.  Other times I have felt obligated to give a gift to someone even though I don’t know them very well. What then? Do I opt for something impersonal? Or spend hours at the mall trying to figure it out? If it’s the thought that counts, then a little forethought can prevent disappointment – for both giver and receiver.

 

Here are some tips to consider that will make your holiday gift-giving a pleasing experience for everyone.

 

Consider first: What is your intention in gift giving? Is it to make the recipient happy? To show off your largesse? Or to satisfy an obligation? I’m not judging here – but I do want to encourage you to understand your intention and be honest with yourself. When you know why you are giving a gift – then the gift you give will be perfect for the receiver. If you don’t know why you are giving a gift, then how can you choose a gift that satisfies you? And yes – I did say satisfies "you”.

 

Try these writing prompts:

    Gifts are…

    I want to give gifts (this gift) because…

    What is the purpose of gifting?

    What do I expect from giving a gift.

 Now write a summary statement to capture the insight. What do you notice or feel after writing? Were you surprised by anything?

 

For example, if you discover you are expecting to be appreciated, then it’s urgent for you to be in touch with what the receiver really wants and needs. A six-year old (and even a sixteen or sixty-year old) has a hard time working with the old saw “it’s the thought that counts” when they get a pair of socks (unless it’s the pair of socks they always wanted!) Most likely they will measure how much you appreciate them by your choice of gift. Pay attention to these recipients before you shop and you’re sure to get it right.

 

Try this: 

• Write character sketches of your recipients to tap into the ideas you have about who these people are and what they like. You can also choose to give them the character sketch as the gift (especially if your journal entries are flattering). Type it up for them on very nice paper, roll it into a scroll and tie with a pretty ribbon! 

If you can’t get it right or haven’t a clue about what the person wants, again, look at your reasons for gifting. If it’s an obligation, you might write on the underlying reasons why you feel obligated.  Or you might write on detaching from the reaction to your gift. If you have no attachment to what you are giving, then it should be easy to detach from how it is received. Whatever your outcome, using your journal to understand your actions saves a lot of guilt and agonizing.

 

And what about the gifts that you receive? It’s hard to get excited when this year’s gift from Aunt Martha is an exact replica of the ugly scarf she gave you last year. In Asia, the gifting tradition is to receive all gifts unopened, to thank the giver profusely, keep smiling, and then put the gift on a table in full view of everyone. Nothing is ever opened in front of the giver. The act of giving is celebrated rather than the amount spent or the size of the gift. No one is ever disappointed; everyone ‘saves face’. Later, when all the guests are gone and the packages are opened in private, the recipient can decide whether to keep the ugly scarf – or give it to the maid.

 

Holiday traditions are often fraught with their own uncertainties but you can be sure your holiday gift-giving will be more satisfying if you plan ahead.